


Broken

by pseudonymitous



Category: Covert Affairs
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudonymitous/pseuds/pseudonymitous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Auggie thinks back on his engagement and breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Feedback appreciated!  
> I don't own Covert Affairs.

Auggie sat alone in his kitchen, beer in hand, wondering about Parker.

It was a dumb thing to be doing, a stupid way to spend a Saturday night, but her coming by the house, getting the check, giving him a goodbye that was equal parts ice queen kiss-off and desperate request to repeat old mistakes, it really messed with him. 

He thought about Billy a lot in the time he'd been with Parker. She gave him this connection to what life was like before the worst day of it. He and Parker shared a worst day. They shared a loss, but they also helped each other heal. Her kisses on his neck, his arms around her waist, that was healing. Like stitches, they wove together until they made a whole. But there was a catch. She'd been pulling away for a long time and he hadn't seen it. He hadn't felt it. He should've, but he was clinging to her so deliriously, to the promise of something real. Something that would stay. But their mutual Worst Day didn't have mutual ramifications. Parker had to move on, on her own. She had to go and help people and grow as a bright, young woman and give her brother's life meaning within the context of her own. She bore the pain of loss, but it left no scars that couldn't be managed with some therapy and self-exploration.

Auggie's scars were permanent. They weren't as subtle, thoroughly tangible. And although he'd learned to manage them, they were twofold, both emotional and physical. It wasn't hard to care for Parker. Kiss her lips, dry her tears, run his fingers through her hair and tell her she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. But for her to care for him... He released a sigh and tossed the beer bottle in the direction of the recycle bin. It shattered on the floor. Caring for him was a big job. 

He found the broom and began sweeping. Cleaning up glass sucked. It was trial and error. He was too much for Parker. Once she'd adjusted to one challenge, he threw her another. 

She left. She left in the morning and she left in the worst possible way. After trashing his apartment, he sank to the floor and sat there and just cried until he was out of tears. The first half of the tears were for Parker. The second half were for Billy. All Auggie had wanted was to take care of Parker. He wanted some connection to Billy. He had the overwhelming sensation that he had just let Billy down in a massive, unexplainable way and it made him sick to his stomach even to think about it.

That's part of why he didn't lose it when Parker turned up at his place. Not even when she mentioned Mingus or when she accused him of downplaying their relationship. He didn't say any of what he was thinking. He didn't tell her how overwhelmingly he had wanted her. How happy she made him. How excited he'd been to actually get married. He didn't tell her how much he'd thought of those kids she'd talked about. He had so many thoughts and emotions and he'd just suppressed them, but how dare she accuse him of downplaying anything, when she'd been the one to spend one last night and leave him in the morning? 

He would never tell her he got arrested because of her. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction. He wondered, if Annie had been there, if she'd picked up the phone and come by and dropped everything for him, as he'd done so many times for her, if that afternoon would've gone differently.

Yes. 100% yes, it absolutely would've. 

That was the kicker. What he really wanted, that whole time, wasn't Parker. It was loyalty. Consistency.

And even that was too much to ask.


End file.
